…scrubbing your husband’s foot with an old toothbrush*.  Happy Valentines Day everyone!

*Just for clarity, this is part of Ferg’s therapy.  He has lost a lot of sensation in his foot, which is a big contributory factor to the propreoception issues.  If you can’t feel your toes against each other, or the sole of your shoe, or the floor, how do you know where your foot is?  You don’t.  Repeatedly rubbing his foot with different textured objects (a rough towel, a spikey rubber ball and a toothbrush, for example) helps the brain to re-build the neurologicl pathways that eventually will bring back much of this sensation to his foot.

It’s humbling to be asked if there is anything that can be done to help you.  In times of crisis, people rally around; a base response in humans is triggered – empathy.  And this drives us to want to do something.  It’s an interesting trait that is rarely seen (if ever?) in other species.  It’s true that other animals will look after the young or weaker members of their own tribe, but would they moved into action by tales from far away of creatures they have never met, or never will meet?  I wonder.

In any case, being the recipients of the empathy and compassion of others has become a large part of our lives.  People have been unbelieveably generous with their time and efforts; help has come from some unexpected places, as well as from many of those closer to home.  Let me just be really clear about one thing:  I pass no judgements, I have no expectations.  The help that has been proffered has been warmly received; but I don’t expect it or even feel worthy of it.  I take it in the spirit it is offered.  Thank you.

But even with DIY SOS going on in the background, and our army of helpers painting, decorating, lugging our belongings about & holding the workmen to account for hitting deadlines (a shock to the system for them, I’m sure), there are still many more people who want to help but are not able to be here pysically.

That’s where Brain Tumour Research & Support comes in.  This is Fergus’s chosen nominated chartity for anyone out there who is feeling the need to do something but is at a loss as to what to do.  Fundraise.

It was Mr Corns who suggested it; he is heavily involved in research at the University of Leeds into pinoeering new techniques that he has explained could genuinely help Fergus.  The research is promising, yet massively underfunded, with 100% of the funds coming directly from the BTRS charity.   There’s a lot of unknowns in both the speed of the tumour versus the speed of the research, but it could be possible for Fergus to be involved in clinical trials at some stage in the future.  Who knows what this could mean?  And if not for Fergus, then for others to come.  This is the charity that Fergus has chosen for those wising to help.

My wonderful team at work have already started the ball rolling, with a Cake Sale, a Yorkshire 3 Peaks Challenge and and Fundraising Pie & Beer night all in the diary.  (It made me cry when I read the texts telling me what you guys are doing – a happy cry though)!  Thank you.

There are some good suggestions on the website for fundraising, and materials & support available from the charity.  There’s also a charity shop & coffee shop in Headlingley for those who are more local – why not make this the charity shop you use next time you have a clear out?

It’s extremely difficult to accept that there is no known cure for a condition that affects someone you love so much.  I hope that fundraising will prove a useful outlet for turning some of the feelings of helplessness into something much more positive that could, one day, really help him.

 

I can’t tell you how wonderful it has been to have Fergus at home for 48 hours.  Do you know that feeling when somthing changes you feel better instantly?  Like a car alarm in the street that suddenly stops; or an anxious wait for news that turns out to be good.  It’s been like that – like a relief just to know that he’s here in the house with us.

His presence completes us.

What we actually did all weekend doesn’t amount to much.  A lot of catching up on sleep for Fergus.  A lot of catching up on laundry for me.  Eating nourishing food.  A couple of board games (of course).  More sleep.  Some carpet choosing for the ‘new’ (old) house by me, the girls & Cat (a.k.a. Nick Knowles).  Plus the usual park run (sadly not for Fergus, of course) and horseriding for the girls.

Perhaps it’s partly what we didn’t do that matters.  We didn’t drive repeatedly to hospital & back.  We didn’t have to listen to other people’s TV’s.  We didn’t have to ask permission to take Fergus anywhere he wanted to go.  We didn’t have to make tough choices between spending time together & having time to relax in the evening.

It’s true that Fergus still has a long way to go to fully recover; his ability to carry out even very simple tasks is inhibited not only by mobility issues but by sheer exhaustion with the effort.  But this weekend has shown that all of this is insignificant next to the happiness we can share simply be being together.

Us Two, by AA Milne

A poem we had as a reading at our wedding

Wherever I am, there’s always Pooh,
There’s always Pooh and Me.
Whatever I do, he wants to do,
“Where are you going today?” says Pooh:
“Well, that’s very odd ‘cos I was too.
Let’s go together,” says Pooh, says he.
“Let’s go together,” says Pooh.

“What’s twice eleven?” I said to Pooh.
(“Twice what?” said Pooh to Me.)
“I think it ought to be twenty-two.”
“Just what I think myself,” said Pooh.
“It wasn’t an easy sum to do,
But that’s what it is,” said Pooh, said he.
“That’s what it is,” said Pooh.

“Let’s look for dragons,” I said to Pooh.
“Yes, let’s,” said Pooh to Me.
We crossed the river and found a few-
“Yes, those are dragons all right,” said Pooh.
“As soon as I saw their beaks I knew.
That’s what they are,” said Pooh, said he.
“That’s what they are,” said Pooh.

“Let’s frighten the dragons,” I said to Pooh.
“That’s right,” said Pooh to Me.
“I’m not afraid,” I said to Pooh,
And I held his paw and I shouted “Shoo!
Silly old dragons!”- and off they flew.

“I wasn’t afraid,” said Pooh, said he,
“I’m never afraid with you.”

So wherever I am, there’s always Pooh,
There’s always Pooh and Me.
“What would I do?” I said to Pooh,
“If it wasn’t for you,” and Pooh said: “True,
It isn’t much fun for One, but Two,
Can stick together, says Pooh, says he. “That’s how it is,” says Pooh.

I didn’t expect this at all today but we have just been bundled out of Ward 25 & Ferg is en route to Chapel Allerton rehab!

It’s what we wanted & what Ferg needs, but somehow it’s still sad to say goodbye. What a wonderful team they are. Thank you Ward 25.

Ferg just called me – there MAY be a bed at Chapel Allerton today!  Ooh…

Healthcare Scheme Exclusions: